Post by Rhett Miller on Jan 31, 2017 22:28:04 GMT -5
i was thinkin' about tellin' you...
The smell of disinfectant and cleanliness was something that Rhett would be only too happy to never smell again. That and the feel of being bound by handcuffs. Marks still covered his wrists from his outburst when he tried to pull his hands out. Or use it to cut himself. He still wasn’t entirely sure what he was going to do, especially with Ruth right there. The way he blew up at her...guilt wracked at him. He hadn’t meant a word he had said, but he knew that it cut her.
He really should have told Kameron that he wasn’t just disappearing when they left St. Mungo’s. It wasn’t a slight on his half. There was some things that should just be family, and when you spent a good portion of your time trying to convince your sister to kill you and that you hated her...well then she deserved some time with just you.
The guilt still ate at him though so as soon as they had gotten to Jamaica, he sent Kam a text that he would be back on Halloween.
Over the last few weeks at the hospital, he had plenty of time to think and reflect. That he had been incredibly stupid was an understatement. All of his fear and doubt had internalised in a horribly destructive way. As opposed to accepting who he was, he tried everything he could to be someone else. In the end, it killed him. Or well, would have if Vera hadn’t found him.
It was the second time in his life his sister had to see him fight to live and that added on to his current guilt. So on a whim, he talked her into taking him out of St Mungo’s and to somewhere they could relax and take it easy a day or two. For once she had given in. They walked around and talked. It was refreshing to be able to be himself with someone in his family. A mini vacation.
He wished it could have gone on longer, but he needed to go back to school. There was an important first step that he needed to make. In the cool room of the hospital he had started it by admitting to Ruth and Kameron that he was gay. Saying it to them though and acknowledging it in front of everyone else was two different things though. Granted, he was sure most people at his school wouldn’t really care. He hated dated Hayden after all. And Kingston for a short stint. But there was always girls sprinkled throughout that. This time he was actually admitting that girls didn’t do a damn thing for him. He was admitting that his heart and soul was utterly taken by the Head Boy.
To say he was nervous was an understatement.
Making it back to the school after dark, he was dressed ish for masquerade. Feeling nervous as hell. Tongue darted out to wetten his lips as he made his way through the campus towards where he could heard the music pulsing. For a moment he contemplated trying to find Vera, but he didn’t want to go into the dance yet. There was too many people in there for him to confront at the moment. Instead, he skirted around the party and went towards the quieter areas.
His hunch paid off. Even with masks, he could find Kameron Westhaven in a crowd. Something about the older boy called to him, drew him in. The butterflies kicked up in his stomach as they always did in his presence. Slowly, he started his way over to him. He could do this. He knew he could, especially with Kam. Except as he got closer he noticed the other person he was talking to. Something in him dropped out. It was similar to earlier this month as he watched them talk. For a moment he was all too conscious of the wand in his pocket and how easy he could just end everything. Not even Vera could bring him back from that.
And then everything in his mind just sort of coalesced and the next thing he knew he had finally had enough. Before he realised he was even doing it, he was punching Leopold in the face.
He really should have told Kameron that he wasn’t just disappearing when they left St. Mungo’s. It wasn’t a slight on his half. There was some things that should just be family, and when you spent a good portion of your time trying to convince your sister to kill you and that you hated her...well then she deserved some time with just you.
The guilt still ate at him though so as soon as they had gotten to Jamaica, he sent Kam a text that he would be back on Halloween.
Over the last few weeks at the hospital, he had plenty of time to think and reflect. That he had been incredibly stupid was an understatement. All of his fear and doubt had internalised in a horribly destructive way. As opposed to accepting who he was, he tried everything he could to be someone else. In the end, it killed him. Or well, would have if Vera hadn’t found him.
It was the second time in his life his sister had to see him fight to live and that added on to his current guilt. So on a whim, he talked her into taking him out of St Mungo’s and to somewhere they could relax and take it easy a day or two. For once she had given in. They walked around and talked. It was refreshing to be able to be himself with someone in his family. A mini vacation.
He wished it could have gone on longer, but he needed to go back to school. There was an important first step that he needed to make. In the cool room of the hospital he had started it by admitting to Ruth and Kameron that he was gay. Saying it to them though and acknowledging it in front of everyone else was two different things though. Granted, he was sure most people at his school wouldn’t really care. He hated dated Hayden after all. And Kingston for a short stint. But there was always girls sprinkled throughout that. This time he was actually admitting that girls didn’t do a damn thing for him. He was admitting that his heart and soul was utterly taken by the Head Boy.
To say he was nervous was an understatement.
Making it back to the school after dark, he was dressed ish for masquerade. Feeling nervous as hell. Tongue darted out to wetten his lips as he made his way through the campus towards where he could heard the music pulsing. For a moment he contemplated trying to find Vera, but he didn’t want to go into the dance yet. There was too many people in there for him to confront at the moment. Instead, he skirted around the party and went towards the quieter areas.
His hunch paid off. Even with masks, he could find Kameron Westhaven in a crowd. Something about the older boy called to him, drew him in. The butterflies kicked up in his stomach as they always did in his presence. Slowly, he started his way over to him. He could do this. He knew he could, especially with Kam. Except as he got closer he noticed the other person he was talking to. Something in him dropped out. It was similar to earlier this month as he watched them talk. For a moment he was all too conscious of the wand in his pocket and how easy he could just end everything. Not even Vera could bring him back from that.
And then everything in his mind just sort of coalesced and the next thing he knew he had finally had enough. Before he realised he was even doing it, he was punching Leopold in the face.
